Since birth, my son has been better dressed than me. He came home from the hospital in a brand new cotton jumpsuit with yellow giraffes on it. I was wearing old pajama bottoms and one of my husband’s baggy t-shirts. And that was only the beginning.
I would dare say that every day the kid’s ensemble is much more coordinated, fashionable, and fun – not to mention a better fit – than mine. It’s just one more thing, with sleeping when they want, eating when they want, and generally doing what they want all the time, that babies have the upper hand.
Take, for example, the fact that baby clothes often match. These ready-made outfits are made up of pants, tops, sweaters, socks, hats, sometimes even matching bibs. Insta style for the playroom (red) carpet. Wouldn’t it be great if adult clothing was sold this way? Instead, we’re like hunter-gatherers, looking for a shirt here, a pant there, operating mostly in pure survival mode, seeking comfort and economy over style.
I often find myself staring at my son’s clothes longingly. He has a navy knit sweater with little tortoiseshell flip-flops that I particularly covet. And don’t get me started on the cozy fleece pajamas he has on, plus the fact that he can get away with wearing them all day without being called a slob. He has many items of clothing that would greatly improve my quality of life, such as his one-piece “muddy buddy” for rainy days, his comfy “sleeping bag” (essentially a sleeping bag with arm holes), and all his Velcro shoes. Screw laces.
The bib action these days is also very hot. They are reversible, with great designs and various designs, some with hard plastic pockets for particularly messy dishes. The only adult I know who needs it more than me is my husband (his tomato sauce stained shirts would surely thank him).
I’m also envious of all the handmade clothes babies get: crochet sweaters with quaint buttons, knit beanies, and stretchy “grow with me” pants. I mean, babies don’t even appreciate these treasures.
And here’s another thing: the baby version of almost any item of clothing is always more adorable than the adult version. Let’s take the example of baby sweatpants versus adult sweatpants. The former are really delicious, the latter are a bit sad and probably lying lifeless on your bedroom floor. Baby crocs versus adult crocs? No competition there. Try this test with any item of clothing and I’m sure you’ll agree that the baby clothes are statistically cuter than the adult version.
Baby clothes always fit well and are sold in convenient size increments like 0-6 months. This basically means that twice a year your baby gets a whole new wardrobe! Who among us adults wouldn’t like to review their closet every six months? I know I would.
Babies can also swap clothes all the time, and items are often used with care because other babies have only used them during the week that is convenient for them. God, I would love for someone to come by my house every month with a box of free clothes to fit my changing body.
As if I didn’t already know he’s way better dressed than me, every time we go out the flood of compliments he gets is a glaring reminder. “Look at your adorable little sweater,” they will say. “These jeans are so stylish.” And that’s true. He looks like a rockstar. I mean, he even has ripped jeans and Converse sneakers. It’s not fair.
The irony, of course, is that he doesn’t even know how handsome he is and would probably rather be naked anyway.
– Charlotte Helston gave birth to her first child, an exuberant baby boy, in the spring of 2021. Yo Mama is her weekly reflection on the wild, exhilarating, beautiful, messy and awe-inspiring journey of parenthood.
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